99 Problems

Published on June 29th, 2016 | by Jessica Shortall

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#PumpSwap: Jessica Shortall Invites MUTHAs to Face Swap with their Breast Pumps (and It is Hilarious)

You know what? Adulting is hard enough as it is—add parenting to that, and it’s just exhausting. Then, sure, why not? Throw in having to pump breastmilk for your baby all day while you’re at work—literally speaking, one of the suckiest jobs on the planet.

I’m done breastfeeding my kids, thank the Lord, but I still have flashbacks. Especially about my pump—the ultimate frenemy. Friend! It helps you make milk for your baby while you’re at work! Enemy! Literally everything else about it is terrible!

This love/hate thing will come as no surprise to anyone who has ever engaged with the ol’ robot baby. That’s why I have spent a good part of the past 24 hours literally crying laughing at these face-swap photos of women and their breast pumps. I’m calling it #PumpSwap 2016, and it’s my ridiculous gift to you, new parents with no sleep, looming work deadlines, and a breast pump whose wiki-waki noises make it sound like it’s talking to you.

Amanda, a member of a breastfeeding & working Facebook group I belong to, kicked the whole thing off with this photo:

Amanda (1)

I love the look of horror on the pump’s new face.

Michelle then got in on the action.

Michelle

Can we pause for a minute to talk about two things?

  1. The sad let-down button as nose
  2. Her teeth, which made me laugh for five straight minutes

Not to be outdone by the Medela crowd, Tu brought her Hygeia into the mix.

Tu

I feel like Picasso would be proud of this one.

Like, really proud:

Picasso Portrait de femme 1936

Jodi had a somewhat different experience.

Jodi

She swears she didn’t edit this in any way. Sleep well tonight, everyone!

Valerie’s swap gave her a, shall we say, blank look, but her pump is now eerily human.

Valerie

Stop looking into my soul, breast pump.

And, last, but most definitely not least, Betsy took multiple photos because she wanted to get it juuuuusssst right.

Betsy

Attempt #1 was ok. I applaud the pump tube plug-ins as eyes. A good first effort.

But I think we can all agree that Betsy pretty much nailed it with this one.

Betsy 2

Sometimes, my friends, parenting is hard, and pumping can get you down. And sometimes, the solution to your sanity is pretty simple: just digitally swap your face with the front of the machine that you spend half of your new postpartum life with, and then share it with the internet.

And on a more serious note, I’ve said over and over again that motherhood is a sisterhood, and ought to feel more like one. And hooking yourself up to a damned machine to make milk for your baby—that ought to feel like family. We need each other, in this often lonely job. We need to be connected for mutual support of our angst, guilt, sadness, success, and anxiety. Only we can truly understand each other, because no one else truly knows that deep sigh we let out every time we reach over to turn on the damn breast pump. And sometimes, we need to cry-laugh together, even if no one else gets it. So this one—this #pumpswap—isn’t for anyone else. It’s for us. Because we’re family.

Got your own #pumpswap? Tag it with #pumpswap on twitter or Instagram.

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One Response to #PumpSwap: Jessica Shortall Invites MUTHAs to Face Swap with their Breast Pumps (and It is Hilarious)

  1. JodyL says:

    Feels so good to laugh at/with such a necessary “evil.” Made my day.

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